Aeon Flux (2005)

Based on the unique MTV animated serial of the early 90's, so far this movie has been quite true to the source material, or at least my limited knowledge of it. I say so far because I’m still watching the movie. It’s another one of those oppressive dystopia films and I find, I just don’t care anymore, even with Charlize Theron’s outfits, and her crawling an awful lot. You know from the opening scene, were Theron catches a fly by closing her eyelid on it, that this movie is all about special effects and looks, and nothing more. The bad dialogue has confirmed this, and after 11 minutes I wanted it to be over. So I’m going to comment on this tripe as it flashes before my eyes. Highlights missed so far: Why would anyone were that outfit at home alone, and Francis McDormand? Really?

24 minutes in: Aeon and the evil dictator were lovers? She didn’t know the dictator? What?

28 minutes in: Magnetic ball things that look like something you would find at Scientific Wizardry.

31 minutes in: The dictator, or ‘Chairman’ has a brother who is trying to have him killed, the viruse that wiped out 99% of the human population 400 years ago has done ‘something’ to us, and people are having weird dreams. Drink the message? I don’t know if I can do this movie? I have to put this exercise to an end.

48 minutes in: This is awful want to be metaphysical bull hockey. They have memories from 400 years ago right, is that it? I think maybe this is all an illusion, because the way that transport belt thing works doesn’t make any sense. That’s it’s Charlize, the answers to your questions have got to be on the zeplin thing, I guess. Ohhh, the inside looks like the Guggenheim. What, that guy? He looks like he just walked out of the sci-fi channels Dune mini-series. Okay the ‘Chamber of Solace Computer thing’ says people are being 'reassigned'. Sophie Okonedo’s hiding in the reflecting pool prior to her meeting with the Matrix lady, what is this crap? The chairmans brothers dressed like a new age Nazi. I think I might rather be watching In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale.

55 minutes in: Oh my God, the dead are all being re-born as babies! I don’t care. This is like a bad joke on one of these movies. There Clones, I thought I sensed The Island in this. The memories are like genetic memories, this would have been done so much better and efficiently as a half hour long Twilight Zone episode.

101 minutes in: Who directed this, and what can we do to keep them for directing again?

102 minutes in: Those solders look like Cobra commandos from the 80's animated G.I. Joe. Best we hide in the Logan’s Run like public transit system.

104 minutes in: THX 1138 hallways, this movie has become a game of find the half-assed homage.

109 minutes in: Of course, she was the Chairmans wife in another life, they have this connection. They really thought this basic idea was worth resurrecting (pardon the pun) in altered form in Hancock. I would disagree with them.

118 minutes in: This final battle is reminiscent of a paint ball match.

125 minutes in: "To live only once, but with hope", that is the message of this film. Six Feet Under’s "Why do people have to die? To make life important." is a far superior version of this sentiment, and far superior entertainment.

Well I watched the whole thing. Augh, it was awful. Aeon sucks. One of the worst movies I have ever seen. Completely derivative, completely pointless, not a compelling character there. 1 out of 5, and with spite. I think I may have to cleanse my cinematic palate on Touch of Evil tonight.